Start now
Don’t wait for the “right time” to do things. I’d tell myself all the time “Oh, I’ll start working out next week” or “I’ll draw up this business plan when I feel confident enough.”
There’s a lot I could have started earlier and looking back it would have worked. This is why I encourage you to start as soon as humanly possible on your next project, habit, goal or whatever it may be.
Starting doesn’t necessarily mean doing big things in the beginning. For example, you want to start working out but you’re too busy with work this week to go to the gym. Well, starting could mean waking up 10 minutes earlier to do a home workout. It’s not the main goal per say but it is one step closer.
Remember, you can always start over too. It’s never too late to change things or behaviours that aren’t serving us in a positive way. Went to the gym but wasted the first 30 minutes faffing around? No reason the next 30 minutes can’t be the best you’ve ever had. This is a concept I learnt from Sam Harris through the Waking Up app and it’s trickled into every aspect of my life.
You are and always have been brave enough
You’re going to do brave and courageous things. Sometimes we fall in the trap of judging ourselves by our covers.
When you stare in the mirror look only into your eyes because it’s there that you’ll see not a young, short, girly girl but instead focus, determination and guts. Over time I’d tell myself that I’m not good enough and I would seek validation externally. Never do that. You can validate yourself.
You’re born with an unlimited amount of bravery, you’ve just got to let it step out.
Don’t try to fit in an “ideal” mould
Everyday ( through social media) you’re going to see the “ideal” image of a woman. As time goes on though you’ll notice that the most unique people have the most love from the world. I’d like to believe because deep down we all want to be our unapologetic selves, so we admire those who already are.
As cliché as it sounds, there really is only one version of ourselves. We have different experiences and beautiful qualities that make us so rare. So why try to be one of many when you can be one of a kind. After all, that is a win in poker. Shout out dad!
Enjoy the little things because they’ll become the big things
The things we do everyday is quite literally what will make up most of our lives. So I’d tell myself to make the daily things more meaningful.
Enjoy that morning coffee with your loved one. Enjoy laughing with your family. Appreciate lunch with your peers. Ultimately be grateful for every little thing that happens in your life. They build up to become the greatest memories.
Alternatively this also means do more meaningful things that you can add to your routine to make your day a better one. It’s really as simple as saying you’ll give more quality time to your family, for example.
Don’t invest in people that don’t invest in you
Sometimes you find that after putting in your 100% someone else has only been putting 99%. Small change but big difference.
This applies to all and any types of relationship. Friendships, family or a romantic partner. Due to life and circumstances we sometimes have to pick up for the other person and that’s completely okay. The issue comes in when someone wouldn’t do for you what you’d do for them. We don’t need another person to complete us, we’re complete souls.
So pick wisely, who you choose to invest in.
No man is an island
When we have the flu or a mental breakdown don’t we seek out the comforting touch from our family or close friends?
Quality over quantity, of course. You don’t need to have a lot of friends to have a good support system. I find that during my worst minutes, hours and days I don’t look for my “so valued” material possessions but I look for the people I love the most.
There’s nothing like a human connection to someone that brings with them warmth and light to brighten your mood. Thank the people you love, do things for them to show your appreciation. Let them be there for you so one day you can be there for them too. One thing I’d tell myself for sure is that even if you have just one person who loves you unconditionally you are extremely lucky.
You’re the only person stopping you from living your dream life
Our biggest enemy is ourself. Yes, there are many external factors that can make the journey easier or more difficult. The superpower we possess is free will.
We wake up everyday with the ability to make a choice about every single thing we do. How powerful are we!? Yet for some reason most of us make choices that are detrimental to our mind, body and soul.
Don’t try to change your life in one day. You know the line: “Rome wasn’t built in a day”. There’s a reason it’s such a well known phrase. It’s okay to take baby steps. You’re doing really well.
All is well
There will be days when you feel anxious and fearful as if you’ll never feel like yourself again. This is a lie.
My mom always tells me the famous line, “Nothing is permanent, not even our worries.” There’s a sense of comfort in knowing that our “feelings” about a situation doesn’t render it facts. In fact, It’s just that; a feeling.
I’d tell myself these three affirmations and you should too when you feel your mind turning against you:
- I am safe
- Everything is okay
- All is well
When we experience anxiety or a panic attack, for example, the brain perceives danger when in actuality there is none. This is why it helps to literally say these affirmations to ourselves.
Our family and friends who are with us in that moment can help as well by telling us similar things.
There’s a time and tide for everything
Another thing I’ve learnt from my mom who actually learnt this from my great-grandmother. When I evaluate this line deeper I realise that this is essentially how the universe works but even on a smaller scale it helps to remove unnecessary worry.
At some point in your life you’ll feel like you’re far behind from where you envisioned yourself. While ruminating on that you’ll be completely unaware of all the love you’re surrounded by. The daily things which you’re so lucky to have, like seeing your family everyday.
Don’t feel discouraged. Remember, life is short. We can’t live in a state of unhappiness while chasing our goals. We should aim to live in pure joy while aiming for our dreams; it only makes the journey that much better.
Do what you got to do and then let everything happen in divine timing.
Don’t feel guilty for your life; use it to do good
I always used to wonder, “why do I get nice toys while there’s kids out there who have none?” As I got older it became “Why do I get to get a good education while there’s children out there who can’t even go to the first grade?” Then I started verbalising these questions to my parents, my boyfriend and my close friends.
The truth is that nobody can really give me a “true” answer because none of us really know why. Here’s what won’t help though: GUILT. I wreck myself with guilt over my life but I’m starting to realise that guilt is merely a useless emotion in this case. It does absolutely nothing but turn me into a mess.
There’s another way to deal with that question and it is to do good. The feeling will return from time to time but now we can immediately replace that feeling with who we’re going to help next.
We can do it on our own scale. My mom always buys some bread and milk and we hand it out to the homeless in our town. Or maybe you could buy some groceries for a family member or friend in need.
Let’s make it our mission to find someone this week to give back to without expecting anything in return.
Personal Message
There’s a lot more I’d tell myself but I’ll save that for another day. Don’t regret anything but see it as a learning experience and grow in abundance. Use this as a tool every time you feel stuck or confused in life.
Of course, the reason I am publicly sharing this is because I hope that at least one person finds courage and inspiration from what I’d tell myself.
I hope you leave here knowing that everything is okay, you are safe, you are strong and all is well.
XOXO
[…] Thank you for taking the time to read this post and thank you in advance for prioritising your mental health. Nothing is permanent; not even our worries. […]